The Middlebrooks: Closeness through Change
Twenty years ago, the odds that Genna and TJay Middlebrook would be members at Temple Israel – the odds that they would even get together – weren’t good.
Though Genna has always known Temple Israel, she wasn’t always sure how Temple might fit into her life. She grew up here, attending with her mother, Gail Posner. Gail passed away when Genna was just thirteen, and Genna’s grief caused her to drift from her Temple family after her bat mitzvah. “It took me a while to come back…” she trails off, teary with the memory.
While Genna grew up in the Jewish faith and searched for her own truths as a young adult, TJay grew up with an entirely different perspective. “I was raised and taught to view Jews in a negative way,” he said. “Growing up, I was presented with the idea that Jews were racist in that they [deemed themselves] superior to others.” In high school, he says, “I was mean to Jewish people.”
This all changed when TJay attended the University of Minnesota and met Genna in 2012. Daughter Izzy, 8, loves telling the story:
“So, they were at a concert, and my mom went to my dad and she asked him, ‘What’s your major?’”
“No name!” TJay laughs – apparently what he studied was more important.
Genna: “I was so nervous!”
The two clicked immediately, staying up well into the night engaged in deep conversation together those first few months. Their budding relationship coincided with Genna’s reconnecting with Temple Israel. Genna felt immediately comfortable back with her Temple family, but was unsure how TJay would feel. “He had a very different experience with religion. I didn’t know if I should invite him to join, [or if it was enough to say] ‘you don’t have to be Jewish, you can just be here’. I knew as a person of color, it might be different. I wanted him to feel welcome and safe.”
TJay was open, but was on the defense when it came to any religion. After some time, he let his guard down. At Temple, he says, “You feel at peace and feel [like you can be] yourself,” something especially valuable to him as a person of color. “I see the measures Temple takes to make people of color feel welcomed. I’ve been to other temples, and [race is] rarely talked about.”
TJay and Genna began their life together, getting married in 2014, two years to the day after they first met. TJay legally adopted Genna’s daughter Izzy in 2016, and the three welcomed Maizy in 2017. Today, the family considers Temple a second home and fosters a great love of, and pride in, Judaism. Izzy goes to Camp TEKO every summer (she’s usually ready to leave the house two hours early); Maizy goes to ECC three days a week (the family will likely have her attend five days a week next year because she loves her time there). The family goes to Tot Shabbat together, and Izzy is eager to begin her bat mitzvah training.
Twenty years ago, with Genna’s relationship with Temple tenuous at best, and with TJay’s previously negative views on religion in general and Jews in particular, it was extremely unlikely the two would become a family and forge such a strong connection with Temple. It’s clear that Genna and TJay are grateful for each other, their family, and their Temple community.
Recently, TJay ran into a former high school teacher who was shocked he was married to a Jewish woman. TJay credits Genna for showing a side of the Jewish religion he “needed to see,” but he also acknowledges that much of the change was internal:
“It just shows that people can change.”
