Yom Kippur: Mental Health
Sermon by Rabbi Jennifer Hartman
2014/5775
“Gooooooood morning, Vietnam! It’s 0600 hours. What does the ‘O’ stand for? O my God, it’s early!” – Adrian, Good Morning, Vietnam
“You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you’ve met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.” - Good Will Hunting
“You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.” - Patch Adams
“Carpe Diem, seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary” - Dead Poets Society
When I learned that Robin Williams had died I was heartbroken. The world had lost a funny, brilliant and kind man who shared his talents and his resources with all of us. Upon hearing the news I must admit I thought it was a joke. TMZ was pulling a prank on social media. When I realized it was true, I thought it was from an accident, or maybe he died suddenly of a heart attack. I later learned that was not the case at all. Robin Williams died from a terrible illness that affects millions of Americans. It does not discriminate by age, gender, sexual orientation or economic status. He died from something that no one likes to talk about because of the social stigma associated with it. People avoid the subject, whisper about those who suffer from it, turn their backs and walk away. Robin Williams died from depression.
Even his life circumstances could not protect him. One sufferer described depression as: “having nothing to do with who you are, how much you earn, how popular or famous you are, unpopular or unknown you are, it just is. Like cancer is. Like asthma is. Like diabetes is. Some people get it, some people don’t. It is an illness and it must be viewed and treated as such.”
We must end the stigma. It is becoming so detrimental to our society that just the other day I heard a commercial on cities 97 asking the community to fight against the stigma. The ad was sponsored by the “Make it OK campaign”, a new effort being piloted right here in Minnesota to end the silence around mental illness. This is a step in the right direction but the mission is difficult. We live in a society that tells us to be happy all of the time. All we have to do is log on to facebook to witness this point of view. The self-selecting “shares” of our friends and family reinforces the idea that everyone else is enjoying an enviable vacation, job promotion, engagement, or anniversary with a doting spouse. It is natural to only want to share what is extraordinary and exciting in our lives, but it gives the perception of perfection rather than the reality that our lives are wonderfully messy and complicated. It is no wonder that individuals and families feel they need to keep their depression a secret. The message is they are the only ones who are struggling.
The media, magazine covers, and news stories convey the message that only the poor, the homeless, the unsuccessful struggle with their mental health. Only the perfect can compete in our society. Everyone else fails. All one has to do is look at fashion or teen magazines to see that pop-culture sells an impossible ideal. A person must be perfectly thin, perfectly tall, and perfectly muscular.
So many of our high schoolers, and now those in middle and grade school feel they must play an instrument perfectly and speak a foreign language perfectly and get perfect grades in order to be accepted to an elite university. If they don’t do all of this then the rest of their life is doomed to failure. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, anorexia – these do not fit into the unrealistic stereotypes of what makes a person thrive and happy. Yet, everywhere we look there are remarkable people who do not fit this mold. All the accomplished people I know have struggled. These are not always the stories published, the anecdotes told, but they always exist and frequently form the basis for success. Yet, somehow, we think that facing turmoil is the exception rather than the rule. We forget that Steve Jobs never graduated from college that Jim Carey suffered from depression, that Ashley Judd overcame an eating disorder, and that as a teenager, Wynona Ryder suffered from panic attacks.
Let us seize this day and say to each other it is enough – enough of asking people to hide, enough of asking them to keep secrets, enough of our loved ones bearing this burden alone. It is time for us to end the stigma of depression that is ingrained in our culture. It is time for us to stop making unwarranted assumptions about those who struggle with their mental health. We must stop assigning blame, we must stop underestimating others abilities. We must do this for the rising number of teens who attempt suicide every year. We must do this for our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends whom we love so much.
Our tradition can help us change the conversation for in it we find great leaders who suffered from depression. King Solomon, known for his wisdom and justice, was one of these leaders. The rabbis teach that:
One day Solomon asked his most trusted minister to find a ring that upon looking at it would make a happy man sad and a sad man happy. Spring passed and then summer and the trusted minister had no idea where he could find the ring. Finally, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a special ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" He watched the elderly man take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When the minister read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.
The Minister returned to King Solomon. "Well, my friend, have you found the ring?"
The minister held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: Gimel, Zayin, Yud, which begin the words "Gam zeh ya'avor - This too shall pass."
You see, even the king needed a reminder that he could overcome his depressive episode and that through the good times and the hard times, when he was successful and when he stumbled, he was a valuable and worthy leader. If God did not deem depression to be an inhibitor of King Solomon’s leadership abilities, who are we to judge?
Our tradition is full of strong, powerful, extraordinary leaders who face personal challenges. Judaism does not ask us to be perfect or hide ourselves. In fact, it does quite the opposite. It asks us to confront ourselves. It understands that individuals have many struggles in life, and that this only adds to their character. In a few weeks we will read from the Torah portion Vayetzeh where Jacob wrestles. No one is quite sure with whom Jacob wrestles. The text is ambiguous. There are many explanations. One explanation that resonates with me is that Jacob wrestles with himself, with his past self, with his demons, with the actions he has taken that haunt him. He is forced to uncover all of his secrets. The ones he has kept from others and the ones he has kept from himself. In the end his struggle brings him blessing. Jacob confronts his fears and wins. For this he is given the name Israel and an entire nation is named after him. Not only is he given a blessing, he becomes a blessing, but this comes at a cost. Jacob leaves this encounter with a limp he has forever. It is his reminder that through our struggle and our pain we can encourage ourselves and each other to lead more fulfilling, more engaging and more meaningful lives.
Not one of us will make it through life unscathed. We will have to confront challenges. They may be financial or relational, they may be academic or health related; some will endure abuse or addiction. Confronting these alone only makes the burden that much heavier. Hiding our struggles leaves us depleted of energy and hinders our ability to recover. When we acknowledge our hardships we find others who can help us, support us, and understand what we are facing. We can work together to create spaces where it is safe to discuss our feelings, to uncover our vulnerabilities, to reveal our complex selves. We are able to allow one another to be the imperfect wonderful human beings we are. Only when we talk and discuss, educate and examine, will we be able to end the stigma associated with depression.
This is possible for us to accomplish. We have been able to de-stigmatize other issues in our community. Remember when one could not be openly gay in Minneapolis? Remember when cancer was spoken about in a hushed voice, with people seemingly afraid they might catch it if they talked too loud? Remember when people thought you could contract HIV from sharing silverware?
Through conversation and education we were able to reverse these notions. Today there are support groups for those fighting cancer and their caretakers, gay marriage is legal in our state and we understand and are able to treat and prevent HIV. Depression is also an illness and we must acknowledge this in order to help our community, our children. When we confront mental illness as we confront cancer and diabetes and heart disease, we affirm that all people are valuable. By ending this harmful stigma we make our community live its Jewish values of betzelem eloheim – everyone is created in God’s image!
A defining text on Yom Kippur is from the Torah portion Nitzavim. God sets before the people life and death: “This day, I call upon the heaven and the earth as witnesses: I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. You shall choose life, so that you and your offspring will live.” As long as we whisper we tell others that depression is a curse and we are inhibiting their ability to live. We must end this detrimental behavior. We must choose life, for ourselves, and future generations by fighting the battle that will bring healing. We must speak frankly, openly and honestly. Only in this way can we help end the stigma that causes so much shame. Only in this way will everyone have the support to fight this illness. Only in this way can we be sure that everyone is given the opportunity to be a blessing in life. For, as Robin Williams character said in Hook, “To live, to live would be an awfully big adventure.”